Obama won, wow.  He sure as hell better make some change now.

Anyone else familiar with this form of dance? I was recently introduced to it. The movement, lighting, and expressions are haunting to say the least. Definitely inspiring.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZUjhQLB0hXY


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xEB0iRuOPaQ&feature=related


Also have some Lyrebird and ferrofluid


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjE0Kdfos4Y (A bird that can imitate sounds such as chainsaws and camera shutters)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zpBxCnHU8Ao&feature=related (Ferrofluid, just watch it.)

Everyone please go here and vote for Saprophilous! Please! The one with the horse.

Because I was fired from work due to a joke.

I cant fucking believe it. Make one joke about shooting people at work in an absurd manner while also in context of myself being an ex-bounty hunter, being an ex-heroin junkie, and going home to do my usual activity of cleaning-guns-getting-drunk-riding-dirt bikes.

Fired.

"If you yelled bomb at an airport as a joke...." They tried to tell me. Pardon me, but this is a fucking machine shop, not an airport. If I reported every lewd joke made about another, all the anger, all the bullshit, well I could've had a lot of people fired as well. I just have the misfortune and BASIC LOGIC to know these were jokes. Seriously, I know times have changed, but this is bullshit. I didn't know I had to be such a conservative fag at work. I thought people there knew me better. Hey, lets stop jokes at work that are not safe, even though they're obviously jokes.

The one gay kid and manly lesbo of all people reported me to the office. People I didn't even want to talk to because they're ugly, but did anyways because I figured I would be social. Do I need to wear a fucking shirt with a disclaimer or something? "Warning, makes jokes, potential threat".

So great, now when people ask me why I was fired from work I can tell them: "People thought I was going to bring two uzis in and shoot my coworkers whom I got along with. Well right after I get drunk and clean/reload my guns on my dirt bike in traffic."

Uptight-touchy-fags-who-cannot-take-a-joke.


"You know they could fire you" - Ramiro

lol

So after cashing my check today I went to the mall to buy a new outfit (its nice having a new wardrobe) I bought an awesome hoodie with skulls and other artsy bullshit designs on it.

ANYWAYS

I go to Suncoast video in the mall because I thought "If any place will have this inland empire I have heard so much about, it would be Suncoast". Whoops, Suncoast video no longer exists. I decided to take a chance and check out FYE. What do ya know? They're getting only TWO COPIES, either tomorrow or Tuesday. So I reserved one of those bitches and put a deposit on it. Pretty lucky I must say. Man, this better be a good experience. I'm expecting some thangz, but I am sure it will be enjoyable. Haha, fuck buying off the internet, I am 77 years old and technology scares me. Not really, but buying in stores is much more easy.

Damn I look good in the mirror today. New clothes, hair cut, new shoes. SHWEW.

I had two teeth pulled on Saturday. They that too pull one out in front on my wisdom tooth to reach the wisdom tooth because my jaw is on wrong, and was swollen. Why didnt anyone tell me having your teeth pulled was so fun and pleasurable?

It was amazing how fat they came out though, the total process to remove two teeth took under 10 minutes, possibly around5 or 6 minutes. Then again I was on narcotics and laughing.

I ate applesauce and played killer7 (Holy shit Killer 7 is awesome. Up there with ResidentEvil and SilentHill) a lot.

My brother suggested I stop doing stupid doodle and art that doesn't mean much to me, and do something that I would truly care about and put effort in. I have been thinking about this more and more and am going to work (when I can) on finishing one painting and starting another that I have been considering.

Thank you.

Whenever I work on a new machine at work, I imagine how it could explode and kill me with shrapnel. Or horribly disfigure me in some other way. There a lot of ugly and genetically unfortunate people that work with me. This one got smart with me and I imagined how I could stick her hand under a drill press and stab it multiple times. After hours of solitude and thinking I begin to act out. I make loud moaning sounds. I often fuck with people too. I tell them lies. Today I made to secret notes, on how I would charge them to be their friend. Also not to look me in the eyes and not to cuss. The one hot girl said sure. I asked this other girl if she was pregnant and she was not. whoops. I laughed about it. I can be cruel when it comes to these people I don't care about. But I did ask that question out of pure curiosity.


Theres an older gentleman who is big into cinema, mainly classic. I brought up lynch and he mentioned blue velvet and eraser head. I was very surprised. He said I lightly resemble some old actor. The old guy is someone I actually look forward to talking to. He wants me to join this local theater and then kill me. lol Hes very intelligent and cultured. I have already superimposed a fatherly figure upon him. I am going to give him so dvds to borrow.




Gregory Peck. I dont see much resemblence. Maybe around the mouth. Then again I have been compared to (OMFG WHY AM I SAYING THIS? IM ASKING FOR DOOM) Mudler from the X files. Shut up. I didn't agree either.


The music at work often induces feelings of torture and suicide. Linking park, a country station, greenday, so much shit. Even though I have all pink floyd cds I still enjoy hearing that and hendrix on the radio.

My one tooth hurts soooo bad. I want to hit it with a hammer.

I seen an ex associate tonight at a store. The motherfucker talked down to me. MAYBE if we were not in the store I would've spit on him, but I'm not that externally violent or aggressive. I know it was because he was with his girlfriend. I notice guys do that that. My one ex friend would try that shit as to seem better or more valuable to his girlfriend. I later fucked that girl while she was dating him. What he and did was so childish.


At work I study and think about human behavior, introspect, and brood on life far too much. Human behavior is fun, the thing I notice most about the human interaction between people at work is that no one listens or cares. Its funny to me that the most common mechanic is to pretend to listen. Nodding, smiling, and repeating the last few words spoken by the other. Introspection is semi entertaining, but I think about myself far too often. Punish too, but we all punish ourselves the most. Thoughts on life end up on dualism, nondualism, and the blend a lot too. Theres always the biology aspect at work, but the polar nature of life often ends up blending into one "thing". As in take two polar opposites. An easy one being life and death, they turn into this one thing that is both. That then becomes neither as well. Yet that still interacts with non dualism. Because perception allows there to be both life and death. Then I go back to "well they're just this one thing" Somewhere between all of that I die or give up. It could all be noted purely as "this is just nature". The polar aspects, the spectrum aspects, and lastly the mystery aspects we don't know. I wrap it all up as nature. Speaking of, scientists think we came from organisms originally on Mars. A comet or some shit hit Mars, and stuff landed on Earth, time time time, us. Christians further writhe in pain, among others. I don't see why though, you could still find a god in all of it. Just not the god they want, not their fable.

Which brings me to the topic of god.

If there is one, and its as I think. We would not know of its presence. More so I would not call it an it. Nothing singular. Well lol the ultimate singularity? Anyways. for lack of a better word. "It" would be both passive and active, to the point it would seem mechanical and random. As life and many things seem. Dues ex machina, YET, pardon me Mr.E. Within all the set mechanics of life (ie gravity, the suns movements, dna, etc.) there could be a controlled choas. An example of these would be weather. Weather is random at times, though it has a cause. Here is where the control comes. NO matter what, weather can never transcend itself. At msot weather extremes could be those supers (super hurricanes, super storms, etc.). What I mean is, a storm could never be so hectic that it'd turn into something else like a black hole, etc.

Even the most chaotic forces of nature in the universe have a cause, an effect, a boundary.

I doubt this is making sense.


Anyways god would be both passive&active. Passive and active would be done soooo many times over that ti just seems like nature. mechanical and random. nature. negative&positive. nature. 1+ -1 = 0nature.

Not the actual concept of zero or nothing though. Nothing and 0 zero does not exist to us. Think of the concept nothing or zero, your idea of it has made it "something".

I mean 0nature more in the sense of, it just is. It just is. Life just is. Nature.

One more concept of god I would like to share. If we stem from god, the the creator is in the design. Just as an artists is in the art. This would mean if by some crazy off chance correct. tHat god is vindictive, pleasing, tricky, mean, nice, etc. Everything we have the capacity to be and its many blends. If god was just good, or just this or that. Well that god would not seem very omnipotent and all encompassing to me. It would be one sided. I think this is why Christians, and others give soooo much credit to devils and demons power. It adds that dualistic balance.

This is why I enjoy Hinduism, Toltecs, Schools of Buddhism. Hinduism a lot though. The idea of Krishna consciousness is sooo alike quantum's at times, Its unreal.


Nature, Biology, Psychology and behavior, Philosophy. This is is unsuitable work atmosphere.




Doodles:





sh3


abara


soo uninspired, why did I do this?


portrait


p1


p2






STUFF


People at stickam.... Look at the one one guy. You know he is masturbating.


Now Im not a big gay, but wow. Ya know what I mean?


coolest

Did the from hell part scare or shock you? I am sorry, I must learn to be more subtle.


Soooooo Saturday I left with my sister to my moms house for what was supposed to be a week or two (a week at most for me).

Ah I am not even going into detail, it was a fucking shit fest. It climaxed when I yelled at my mother and then left. Only to have the grand finale being my step dad talking on his cell phone to his sister about how his dad has extreme Alzheimer's disease and needs to be put in a home.

FUCKING YAY FAMILY!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!

God, how did my mom and I become so emotionally detached?

So emotionally withdrawn and out of touch with one another.

I wish my step dad who I never see wasent so miserable. I tried for a mere second to talk to my step dad about what had occurred. Which is like venting to someone who themselves wants to scream, cry, gnash teeth, and become violent. His life is shit, and I feel terrible for him. I don't even really like him and want to cry for his sake.

I wish just once this time my mom would have apologized or even said

"Marcus, I am trying, if you stick in there with me it will be fine."

Nothing.

I am away for a couple of days and come back to see everyones LJ`s swelling with grief. When did the the axis shift?

A little while ago I burned some guy with hot coffee. I was walking back from the local 247 store around 2 AMish (Amish?) with cappuccino and coffee cakes. I heard this guy shout "HEY"!. I turn around and see this older scruffy guy coming at me talking riff-raff such as "Come here!", and "I need help". I told him to get away and then threw about 20 ounces of hot cappuccino on what was soon to be his screaming and writhing persons. Maybe, just maybe, I did not need to do that. But it was fun, and I laughed about it later. A lot. Fucking whojawhats coming at me in the nights breathe. Fuck with the bull and get the horns. It made me feel like a kid again.

Hmmm what other wacky adventures?

Lets see.

I won an art contest and am getting a free t-shirt of my choice. HAHAHA I FUCKING WIN!!!! ME!!! I WIN!!! SUCK IT LOSERS!!! I enter contests not to win, but only to gloat about it later. HAHA YEAH SUCK MY NUTZ BITCHES. I entered some lame ass contest on Y! but did not win. This made me hate the person who ran the contest. I AM THE FUCKING BEST! I SHOULD HAVE WON. FUCK YOU FOR NOT PICKING ME. Eat turdz you bitch. lol

At times I want to be a loud obnoxious dumb asshole in public. Maybe walk somewhere and scream "LOL HAY LOOK AT ME, NO FUCK YOU. DON'T LOOK AT ME! I FUCKING HATE YOU! FUCK YOU GOD! FUCK YOU! LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO MY LIFE!!!!

Did any of this make you lol or feel strange yet? Good. Good.


hmm what else....


idk nothing comes to mind. I hope that cheered some of you up, or at least changed your climate for the time being.





Oh wait, I had a gay sexual experience recently. Here are the juicy details.


So I met this guy that was really cute. We met at a bar, and I must admit I was pretty drunk. I dont know what happened next but we ended up in his apartment. At first we kissed a lot.
After that we undressed each other and as we did it we kissed a lot. He then (oh god this is so hard to say) began to suck my cock. It felt really, really good. Then again when doesn't a blowjob feel good? Dont answer that, I am sure there are absurd scenarios you could imagine. SO then I busted my Loadstar in his face and slapped him a little while laughing. I don't know why I didnt it exactly, but hey, he didn't care. Oh btw his name was Ricky Anderson. I remember that because I saw his ID. Anyways after that I spit on him. Then I pushed him over the bed and he turned and smiled at me. He had this look in his eyes that just told me he wanted me to fuck him hard. As I did, as I did. It was such an amazing experience I must say.
I came a lot. I think around the fourth time I rolled over and laid on my back. He sat up, sweating. We started talking about what ahd just happened, and how it was my first time being a big gay homo. He comforted me assured me by telling me"I had reeses for breakfast". I said "you had candy for breakfast?". Reeses Puff cereal is candy for breakfast. Oh man I so fucking got you just now. Do you even know how hard you have been burned? My god, you are gayer than me thinking up this whole wing-dinger of a story. Gayer than me even using the word wing-dinger.








i fucking win

Bet your ass, get the cash, vette to crash, fret the rash, dodge the draft in a sauny bath, wanna laugh, heres a sonograph.


YOU LIKE SUPER JAIL? HOW BOUT MALICE IN WONDERLAND? LIKE CRAZY LSD GOOFY SHIT? WELL COME ON DOWN PARTNER!








P.S.

COWBOY UP FUCKERS. CRAZED-DRUNKEN-GOLD-MINER HAS ARRIVED.

Just some dreams and related info to share.


Starting with earliest was a dream that started in a school like place. I was in the cafeteria looking at my ID and it was someone else's for a second, then it was mine. Following that I walked in the halls and had a flashback up how these fruits were genetically altered and contained healing agents. The I am back in the hall and I go to the class room. I walk to my teacher saying "something strange happened to me, something is wrong". I sit down and she starts talking about how her generation should have never altered the fruits and played with gods tools. On my desk I noticed a packet, and inside is a survival guide, info packets, and a note from her proclaiming about the apocalypse. Next to me on other desks are other packets, some of them read "deceased" on top. Only then I notice theres only myself and three others. A white light grows and everything is enveloped. Some voice rings out this is the baton toss between generations.

Been a while since I had an end of the world dream.


The next dream started with someone who looked like a young David Bowie screaming behind glass, and blood gushing from his mouth and nose. The this ring was on my finger, it had 2 blades inside and it would chop off my fingers, I felt a slight pain (like a layer of skin being pulled off, or brush burn). I would throw it on the ground (the ring) but it would attach to another finger, and cut it off, or it would lay on an area of my skin and take small chunks out. After a lil while of that the dream ended. I have a fear of losing my hands and not being able to draw. Maybe its connected. Who knows?



This dream I like the most, I was very lucid during it. I was walking somewhere during the daytime. and I went in the woods. The woods opened to a school in a pocket surrounded by more woods and lots of birds, squirrels, etc. This is the first time I went into the woods. Woods are often characterized by the deep sub con and ID (I do not like generic dream symbols found in books etc, but this one does seem to ring true the most, the woods are usually dark and deep). So I do a U turn and meet another edge of woods, very deep. At first I see a sign that says "raccoons". I look up and theres a huge raccoon in a tree. Twice the size. So I take another step and theres two large bears laying trees. Ok, Couple more steps and theres a mountain lion. Finally, I step in, and the woods become denser, more branches, etc. Three or so steps in I meet the "next wave". It was another animal in the trees, It had the body of a panther but was spotted like a cheetah. After seeing it full body my view zoomed to its eye. It eyes began to enlarge. Its pupil was like a goats, but U shaped. All around the eyelid it began to decay and rot, growing. I ignored it and went forward more.

Then I woke up. Not out of fear (like nightmares or night terrors). I was scared a little, but I have continued dreaming much longer in much worse conditions. It is like... my mind did not want me to go in. It could not keep me out with scary things, so it woke me up.


Lastly was a dream featuring the guy from donnie darko. Him and his girlfriend were in another school/college like place. He said something like "Saturday nights are now the virgins, and I am ever so hungry". His girlfriend smiled at him, and she had teeth like metal sharped combs. Then the dream goes on to show, that people were losing their teeth, and they were inserting these teeth things. Further more people would sleep walk and wake up at this large cemetery. The people with teeth would hunt and eat them. Eventually it became this large event every Saturday. I widely accepted social event that was completely insane.

For those who it pertains to:


I downloaded the rar file.


WOW that books ruins shit. Very... unconventional entries and style. Great work on all who contributed to it!

Although you three all made my entries seem so tame in comparison. For this, revengence shall be mine.

Anyone else see the blame anime? Oh I am behind 2097435075 years? Ah well.


I FUCKING HATE MOSQUITOES. DIE VERMIN! DIE AND DIE NOW!

2 things that are currently lame

1. Vera being mistreated and singled out on Y! because her subject may have been deemed of bad taste.








2. A bratz movie.... Thanks Hollywood for trying to influence my little sister into becoming a slut.

http://www.adultswim.com/video/?episodeID=8a25c392127017ed0112711e8d610002


Its in 2 parts, don't watch it if you are a pussy.

For you cannibalistic psychopaths on the go:


http://www.collectionsetc.com/Item60194.aspx#


lol

So I get in from a long long long long day, and check me mail. Low and behold there is a small brown envelope in it from my broski. So I laugh like a little girl and run up to the apartment. Then I gently open the letter as not to disturb the natural order of things. I got some thangz, in it and a button! He also wrote me a note mentioning something about crw. I don't know what this mean, or if this is code for something. Yet, I am assuming its something wonderful!!!

Joking aside, thanks! I am glad you made it a paperback too. It burns much easier than hard bound. lol nah thanks broskihiemther! The presentation of your book was very nice. The bookmark its really cute too in a bizarre way.

Anyone else watch to catch a predator? That show is great. One its tagging and catching monsters. BUT the thing I like the most, is when the guys realize whats going on. They always get these sullen, hollow faces. Its like Chris Hansen is Shang Tsung and he just reaches in and rips out their souls. I fucking love it! Its always great when he reads to the people what they said in the chat. Shit like "Ima fuck you doggystyle", etc Thinking the person they are talking to is a 12 yr old etc. Id kill someone if they touched my sister. What the hell is wrong with these people? More amazing are some of the people, from cops, to lawyers, business owners, etc. Unbelievable.

Thank you Chris Hansen for the lulz.

Today is an extremely beautiful day. The weather is perfect. I went to St.Pete`s earlier. It consists of a small strip of buildings paralleling a stream and woods. A very quaint and modest place. St.Pete`s is a great place for walking, families, climbing rocks, biking etc. Its also notorious for having hippies and potheads arrive to smoke weed, play instruments, and relax. Everyone know people go there to do this, but no cops or rangers arrive. Anyways it like a 25 minute ride to get there. So I took a small ride there, listened to all along the watchtower, and Jackson and his computer band. It was nice driving there with the windows down.
So I arrive and go to the ice cream shop and get soda. Then I started my hike to this place not a lot of people know about. Its like a 7 minute walk through woods with trails to this area that is open. In this open section of the woods is a small creek, rope swing/jump into the creek, and if you swim to the other side you can climb rocks and jump into the creek from close to 13 feet. The water is always nice too. So I got undressed and swam in the water a little. Then I dried off and drank my soda. Drew some birds in my sketchbook. Then I walked down to where the mass of people are scattered in the woods. Some some old schoolmates. They were smoking weed and drinking (of course) so I sat down next to them and drew a while. Even drew two of them. They reminisced a lot. The conversation primarily consisted of "remember that time" and, "how about that other time". It was fun. After telling them I had to leave I walked back to my car and drove off. I remembered that King Buffet had renovated and decided to go eat. On the drive there I passed a gold course that smelled like pine and some sort of chemical. Like gasoline mixed with something else.
I arrive at King Buffet and walk in past the myriad of stores in the shopping center. It was very nice inside. They expanded the back, refurbished the place with all this very treated dark wood. Stained framed pictures, A dark bronze Buddha and horse, even the table and cushions were deep browns and reds. The atmosphere was very calm. The amazingly cute girl took my order for a drink and I proceeded to eat three plates of food for some reason. Black pepper chicken, pepper steak, coconut chicken, fried and white rice, assorted fired and seasoned vegetables, roast pork, pizza, cheese cake, jello. I was surprised about how much I ate.

I am thankful for:

1 buffets
2 Chinese buffets
3 hot waitress girls at buffets
4 Chinese buffets that serve American food.


So far a very nice day.

Determinism:


I just finished my second book dwelling on this topic. Its something I and I am sure many wrestle with so much. I do believe in spontaneous action. But wow... its so hard to argue with much of what I have read. Plus, its very scary to people. We want control, we want security. We fight with boundaries and frames of obedience constantly. So when even simple and daily choices are reduced to predetermined favors and fancies... lol more control loss.

wiki:

Determinism is the philosophical proposition that every event, including human cognition, decision and action, is causally determined by an unbroken chain of prior occurrences.

Examples:

What did you do today? Most of my friends are artists, so Ill use draw. Why did you choose to draw? Most likely it is because at some point in your life you chose to draw, which was most likely an influenced and external decision. Years later you are an artist. So is it a choice? Or is it done because its so familiar, that its a piece of you? Not the best example.

You are in the road. A car is coming towards you. You could either move, or get hit. Of course people would move. Its not that you are moving because you choose to really. You move because there is nothing else to do but get hit.

A lot of our beliefs and thinking are not this active choice. Did you choose to be who you are? Or did you grow that way? how much of you was conditioned and influenced by external stimulation?

Determinism shrunk the world for me.





Concept of self.

The ego is so any things, the idea of self is so many things. So much of us is just thought and action.

A friend and I discussed this and he said:

a series of thoughts and actions.

The doer then, is not an actual thing, it is only a concept
superimposed on a collection of doings.

The only thing that is an actual thing,
are the doings, not the "doer".

here is an example which applies to any doing or verb...
i can say that, "i am thinking"
but there is only thinking, nothing more.
when i try and find the "thinker",
there are only more thoughts.
every notion of a "thinker" is merely another thought.

so thinking is the doing, which is an actual thing.
the "thinker" is simply the concept that we wrap around
the thinking.

I enjoy that so. But we are more and less..





Biology

People always wonder, what is the meaning of life? What is our purpose?

I believe we want this fairy tale of heavenly beings and happy endings. Its comforting and gives hope.


But the more I have thought about it (and it flourished last night) life and its meaning is so uncomplicated and obvious.

Look at the dawn of life. Small organisms floating around in water. Eating, building energy, reproducing/ multiplying.

This cycle is repeated thousands of times over and over. Eventually through growth and evolution there is us.

Just thousands of years and this few simple processes repeat and repeat. So whats our purpose, if I have not made it painfully obvious by now?

Consume, build energy, create, flourish.

Its not some magic story. It is simple observation and biology. Look at out bodies, in the very least our bodies are our most fundamental tool.

The mouth chews, the stomach digests, the heart pumps blood to sustain, the brain controls, we have sexual organs just for one purpose. We have hormones, and a gland in our brain (Pineal)that pumps out chemicals to increase libido. Our bodies and evolution alone speak volumes.



The niche is, we are evolved thinking creatures. So we do not have to act like savage animals. At the same time we very much emulate and flow with this pattern. Even further we implant these meanings of life. My purpose is to do be the best baseball player, or to be a great scientist, etc. No, we made this tings up with culture, tradition, structures of social order, etc.